3 Feb

I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life 
I know you’ll be a star
In somebody else’s sky

It’s stupid. I know.

Immature. Childish. Dramatic?

Counterproductive.  Unhealthy.  Masochistic?

I am flawed.  I love deeply.  I hurt deeply.  I dwell.  I wonder.  I overanalyze.  I project.  I replay.  I am my own worst enemy.

And my own best friend.  Debating the pros, inverting the cons. Reminiscing about the joy, remembering the troubled.  Declaring surrender while strategizing a reprisal.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes you break up with someone twice.  There’s the actual break-up that occurs in real time.  And then there’s the second time- maybe months, maybe years- when he asks someone else to be his “forever.”  The dormant flicker of hope is extinguished and  the emptiness is profound.  Because even though you know it wouldn’t be perfect, you also know nothing is perfect, and the reality is that he chose someone else to be less than perfect with.


And once your tears are dried. you realize that when you were considering him for your “forever,” you too was choosing someone to be less than perfect with.

“it’s very rare for a relationship to withstand the Earth’s gravitational pull and where it’s going to take people and how they’re going to grow. I’ve heard it said that you can’t really have a true love unless it was a love unrequited. It’s a harsh one, because then your truest one is the one you can’t have forever.” – Eddie Vedder 


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